come what may?

Ay naku, ang hirap ng ganto! Since ang daming days na di ako naka-blog, ang dami tuloy nangyari, di ko alam how to start. First thing: I am endorsed na for termination, he he he... hu hu hu... I'm so scared! har har har! Sarcastic yun ha? Asar ako kay TM. When he gave my final written, of course, because of SAF. We didn't have any agreement, yung mga tipong 1 more absent and you're out. Tangina, when he talked to me bout the endorsement, he literally talked and never let me talk! He discussed the instances, call in ng absent ang half day? At yung kupal na yun, one time, nawalan ako ng boses at since ayaw nya kong ipag-process ng email, pinauwi nya ko. Ang gago, sinama pa yu sa SAF violation! I didn't violate anything coz he sent me home, if there's somebody who violated the SAF, it's him not me. Anyway, bahala syang panget na sya, kala nya takot ako sa kanya? Eh mi di ko nga ramdam ang presence nya as TL. Uunahan ko na sya, magfa-file na ko ng resignation, totohanan na ito. Kesa naman ma-terminate ako.

Sumasabog na naman ang utak ko ngayon, nangangatal na naman ang mga labi,para kasing isang kilong kape na ang naiinom ko pag restdays. Finals ko na mamya, kelangan pasok ulit ako sa DL para libre tuition fee next sem, 35thousand din yun. Di ko na alam, madalas na naman ang pag-atake ng pagiging crying lady dahil di ko na naman makabisado ang mga bagay tungkol sa rape, homicide, parricide at kung ano-ano pa! Super hate ko ang Obligations and Contracts! Buti na lang yung mga brod ko sa frat, maasahan, mas masisipag gumawa ng reviewer.
The past few days, Leah slept over my house, super saya talaga! We talked about our high school days and kung gano kasimple buhay namin. I have a book, this thing called "If Questions for Teens", we're not teens anymore but the questions are so cool. There's one question about love that made me cry. Leah is not looking at me, saying that she does not want to see me cry. She knows me as a really brave person, kaya panibago sa kanya ang umiiyak ako because of a guy.

At that point kasi, naawa ako sa sarili ko. I did everything, even the things that I wouldn't do ever in my whole life, I did for Rommel. My really close friends knows this. I wouldn't change myself or do unbelievable things unless I believe that it is so worth it or unless I really love that person. Honestly, I am happy right now. I could really see that may development kay Rommel. Di ko nakikita kung ano ang gusto kng makita, I can really see that he is changing now. Pero, surprisingly, I can not see myself living with him, or being his wife. Wala kasing peace of mind. I would always be worried na baka mangbabae na naman sya and ayoko ng ganong feeling, ang panget. So why am I staying in this "relationship"? Kasi masaya ako. Wala naman ibang nanliligaw, so why should I deprive myself of happiness. One time, I read Reich's blog entry about her husband. She said that her husband loves her the only way that he knows. Same here, Rommel shows me that he cares and that I am important to him the only way that he knows.
One time, when he was at my house, I have this Love Oracle Cards kasi, which is kinda freaky kasi major totoo yung mga sinasabi and consistent pa. I asked him to ask a question, tanong ba naman nya "Makikita ko pa ba sya?" I know that he is referring to Rain, I know that hindi nya pa din nage-get over yun. Ang sakit pakinggan, pero I understand him. Anong sabi nung cards sa kin? I asked if there would be a positive result regarding my sacrifices, if magiging serious na ba sya sa akin and if eventually we'll end up together. Iisa lang ang parating lumalabas na sagot: I should be patient and understanding. I am not completely relying on those cards, but, it's still something to think about.

Anyway, I already got rid of my long hair. I had a major hair cut. The almost waist long hair that I have is now just around 2 inches below my ear. Kakatawa nga yung bading na nag-gupit sa kin kasi he asked me thrice if I am really decided to have it cut. I said yes 4 times. Before kasi sabi ko, I wouldn't cut my hair unless I've already gotten over my ex. Well, I'm so over my ex.
Sarap mag-beach, la nga lang pera. Ano kaya talaga ang mangyayari sa life ko?

guess who's back...

I have been an absentee blogger for such a long time. Bad trip kasi lately, sang milyon ang queue sa CS at di ako makasaingit ng what I call "my blog time". Ang dami ng nangyari sa life ko lately, so nakakatamad ng i-continue yung past blog ko. Anyway, almost 1 month na ko sa new house ko. The first week, geez, para akong tanga, naiiyak ako. As if di ako living away from my family for 2 years now. Well, my mom sleeps over my house, kasi nga first time na talagang alone ako sa house. Siguro naka-add din sa aking loneliness eh dahil sa first two days and first night ko dun eh kasama ko si Rommel, so maninibago talaga ako. It's not that di ako sanay mag-isa, pero the house is big for me. Rommel has really been extra sweet lately. Anyway, wag muna tungkol sa kanya. Almost one month na ko sa new house ko, and it's really fun. Nakabili na din ako ng tv ko so hindi lang cellphone, clothes, watches, at ang aking ever precious sandwich maker, ang tanging appliance na nabili ko (dati!) with my call center earnings. I have to sacrifice a lot coz I have lots of bills to pay, the rent, the electric bill, water bill, phone bill and of course my food. Ngayon, di na ko pwedeng magbukas ng iba't ibang bath soaps and use them depending on my mood, wala ng Chef D'Angelo after shifts, shampoo and conditioner? Sachets na lang, gone are the days that I could easily pour them from a bottle. Ngayon, kelangan ko pang guntingin ang mga sachet bago makaligo.

Last week, nasa SM Makati kami ng batchmate-friend-ka-team sa CS-at kapangalan na si Des. I was tightly shutting my eyes kasi I could see lots of clothes that I really want to buy. I saw this really cool Guess pants and I was like, oh my God, I can't buy that anymore. Unless I get a really high paying job or I get a DOM, he he he =) I have to sacrifice a lot, like buying new shoes, bags, watches, and other stuff. My favorite Kenzo Flower perfume is now substituted by Johnson's Baby Cologne Powder Mist. But then again, this is MY CHOICE and I am going to get through, ako pa!

On to my Rommel entry, last week, he slept over my house. My bestfriend Leah was still there when he arrived, it was actually my bestfriend's chance to meet him. Leah does not really like him, well, who would? Me, of course, he he he... I cooked for him as usual, his favorite and his request, sinigang na sugpo. He was so sweet and I was really shocked with the way he acted around Leah. Kasi when we are together and when we're eating, sya yung naglalagay ng food sa plate ko. Kahit andun si Leah, he still does that. He still makes me finish my food and we still drink in one glass. Leah does not really like him at all, but when she saw that he's so sweet, she texted me saying that he's so okay. Super sumakit yung head ko, so we were at the sala, he was sitting, my head is resting on his lap. Grabe, he was so sweet! He was massaging my head, he also held an ice pack on my forehead. Sabi nga ni Leah, she felt like she's my younger sister, yung tipong yung ate mo e may boyfriend at nandun sya sa bahay.

Ang pinaka-highlight talaga nung days na yun would be... walang nangyari sa amin. I mean, yeah, we didn't have sex. At first I was kinda worried, thinking that maybe he does not like me anymore. But then again, I thought that it is actually a good thing. For Rommel not to have sex with me! We all kow guys, lalo na pag bumiyahe pa papuntang Manila na walang aasahan. So feeling ko nasa ibang level na kami nun! He's really been extra sweet, we cuddle and snuggle a lot. When we are sleeping, he would rub my back, when we sleep in the afternoon, he put a pillow above our faces, he would plant butterfly kisses on my nose. He doesn't kiss me that much before, but when we sit side by side, he plants little kisses on my cheeks. Then he would jokingly say "Halik ni Hudas yun 'be" Of course, since he is the President of Mr. Mystery Club, I have to decipher what that means. I was thinking that he was trying to cover up his mushiness coz he's not used to being like that.

I told him that I'm sorta getting tired of our set-up, kinda testing the waters. Dati, whenever I say that, deadma lang sya and sinasabi nya lang na kaw bahala, but when I said that to him, he was asking why (as if hindi obvious!) and di na daw ba ako masaya with him. Honestly, major development talaga, like before, he wouldn't say that he misses me but now, he does that all the time. He doesn't call do miss calls but he this time he does, and when I ask him what's wrong, he would just say that he misses me. I know that I might be worried once again, but I already adopted this philosophy to just enjoy the moment. I hope that moment would last for a long time...