weekend spent in hell

A lot of things happened during the weekend, I mean a lot! Saturday, Rommel went to my house. He was asking me if I do miss him, of course, I said no. Discoveries again... May dala kasing bag si Rommel that day. Ewan ko, talaga atang since naging kami, naging NBI agent ako. At first, I saw this communication radio on his bag together with 2 shirts. Yun yung radio na ginagamit ng mga security guard. Of course, hindi security guard si Rommel. Sa radio, there was this sticker wiht the company's name that he is working for: CONMECH. So, deadma na since dati ko pa nga nalaman that he has a job although ayaw nya talagang aminin. Here's the most painful thing. One of his girls, si Aydz, the one who's working as a caregiver sa Canada and pamangkin ng asawa ng tito nya sent him a greeting card. I took it. Yep, stole it from him. I know, invasion of privacy, theft, I could be sued for that, but the thing is he wouldn't be asking me where the card is since he is keeping it from me. Saka he trusts me a lot. There are 3 pictures enclosed sa card, 1 taken with a baby, 1 sa street sa Canada during winter, the other one was a 2x2 pic pero cutout lang. So here's what the card says:

Dearest Rommel,

Baby, I miss you a lot... wish you were here. I miss everything about you. I do hope na mag-work out ang relationship natin even if we were miles, miles away!

Just want to let you know that I had fun spending time with you. I'll always be here for you.

I cut the other pix coz my belly is out. Masyado yung liberated. It was taken before my vacation dyan sa 'Pinas. I'll send you more next time, ok?

Take care and God bless.

Aydz

At the other flap of the card, here's what's written:

Baby,

... you're in my thoughts- today and always!

I love you.

Baby

It was sent March 3 and he received it March 18 sa address nya sa Pampanga. My intitial reaction was, tangina, galit na galit ako kay Aydz. But after reading the card for a billion of times, napunit ko na nga yung card e, naawa ako sa kanya. I was thinking kasi ako nandito sa Pilipinas, not because Rommel and I can spend and is spending time together, but the thing is at least ako, kahit paano alam ko ang pinaggagagawa ni Rommel. Kasi based from what she wrote, it looks like asang-asa sya na sya lang and loyal sa kanya si Rommel. Goodluck na lang sa kanya! Eh kung ako nga na nandito sa Pilipinas, di pa kaya ni Rommel na magtino, sa kanya pa! At goodluck naman sa akin dahil baby din ang tawagan nila!

Ang sakit-sakit when I was reading the card. I know of her existence pero iba pala talaga ang feeling kapag may substantial evidence in your hands. Ang sabi Rommel sa akin before, gf nya daw si Aydz pero sa text and phone lang. Ha! Should I still believe that? To those who regularly check my blog, you can check her friendster account, search for Aydz Diaz and tell me what you think.

That was just an ordinary Saturday, pero super ramdam nya na talaga na I am starting to be cold to him, na napupuno na ako. He was extra sweet and caring. We also had a really serious conversation, one of the very few that we had. Here's our convo:

Rommel: 'be, thank you sa lahat ng ginagawa mo for me ha?

Des: Ok lang....

Rommel: Baka naman dumating yung time na isumbat mo sa akin lahat.

Des: Bakit ko naman isusumbat eh hindi naman ako ganun.

Rommel: Eh ano namang kapalit ng lahat ng yan?

Des: Hindi mo naman kayang ibigay ang gusto ko. Hindi mo naman kayang maging loyal sa akin eh. I just want you to be honest.

Rommel: Panong honest?

Des: Like if I ask you something, tell me the truth, just say yes or no.

Actually, may leeway pa nga eh. If magsisinungaling sya, just say yes or no. Don't make up any stories. Alam ko tanga ako pero hindi ako bobo. Nagyaya ngapala syang uminom eh I don't drink beer, so Gilbey's and orange juice kami. Eh hindi pala sya umiinom non. Dahil sa sama ng loob ko, ayun, nagpaka-lango ako sa alak, half of the big pitcher, naubos ko. Kaya eto, my body is full of rashes na naman!

Sunday morning, he is asking me to prepare breakfast, sabi ko baba na lang sya, sya na magluto. He said bakit ganun daw, di ko na sya inaasikaso. I told him that that would be the last day that we're gonna be together. Ayaw nyang pumayag, he said that he will be back next week. I asked him, what if I break up with him. Here's what he said:

Rommel: Syempre, iisipin ko kung anong nagawa ko sa yo (Good luck! Di mo pa din alam?), pag di mo na kasi ako pinapunta dito, pag wala ka, as if I'm missing a body part. Ayokong mawala ka sa akin.

During breakfast, I was fishing for some information. Here's the conversation:

Des: Kelan mo ba ko ile-let go? Ayoko kasi na ako ang magle-let go sa yo eh... (of course, I asked this to just fish for info)

Rommel: Naku, matagal pa yun.

Des: O?

Rommel: Kapag nag-asawa na ako, kasi ayaw mo naman na habang may asawa ako tayo pa din. Ayaw mo namang maging abay sa kasal ko. Pero ang pagiging ninang ng anak ko, yun ang di mo pwedeng tanggihan.

Tangina! Isama mo naman sana ako sa mga pangarap mo! Di ko alam if I wrote here na we were able to get a bulldog from an old classmate of mine. Sabi ko pag nabigay ko na sa kanya yun, we're over. That was supposed to be delivered Sunday morning, pero unfortunately the dog died. Ayun, depress-depressan sya ngayon, brat kasi yun, when you say something that you would do, you should do it.

That's what happened sa weekend ko. Kami pa din ba? Oo siguro. The reason why I couldn't let go of him yet is gusto ko talaga yung wala na akong feelings for him, para wala ng what if's, yung before kami maghiwalay, naka-move on na ako. Para di na ako iiyak. Because of him, mahihirapan na akong magtiwala at magmahal ulit.