how sucky is sucky....

Dec. 24th-26th
A lot of things happened to me, mostly sucky things.
Things that I totally hate. So let's start with
Christmas. It was okay despite me not giving a Christmas
gift to a single soul because I lost money. Honestly I
didn't feel the spirit of Christmas maybe because I am
already 22 years old and my Santa already rendered his
resignation or is it because I am already old and the
spirit of Christmas might be a ghost now. Anyway, few
days before Christmas, my boyfriend did a MIA on me. It
really did irritate me coz I think that he is basically
doing in call center language, a No-Call, No-Show. (duh!)
On the 24th, finally, he called me, he said that his
phone is busted. Well, yeah, right. It was mixed with wet
handtowel so it went crazy, he just borrowed his mom's
phone that is why he can only text me or call me on
during the night. OKay, yeah, half of me believes him,
half does not. Also he should meet my folks on the 26th,
but he backed out, saying that he is not yet ready to
meet my parents, so okay. I felt awful, since WE already
planned that day. Well, what can I do? I don't wanna drag
him to our house and as if I want to do that anyway! So
back to the him going MIA, he was still able to contact
me until the 28th which is still kinda okay, well it is
okay. Came 26th, I am not wallowing or moping, it's okay,
fine, if you can't go, then don't go. But it still made
me sad, but I can't do anything about that either. So on
the 26th, I just made myself busy with studying and all
other stuff, watched gazillion of cable movies, played
with my cousins, well, stuff.
Dec.27th
Badly needed to talk to my bestfriend, the other one
(there's a story later on about my college bestfriend),
that would be Leah. She's my bestfriend from way back in
2nd year high school, so that would make us...
bestfriends for 8 years now. She knows a great deal about
my boyfriend and I am so glad about it. Well, she knows a
lot about me! We were supposed to meet at 4pm, but of
course, that was moved to 8pm! Since the original plan
would go to Greenhills, but that's already 8pm, we just
decided to one of Q.C.'s gimik central, Tomas Morato. We
went to Starbuck's, but it was jampacked so we just
decided to go to Seattle's Best. We talked about what's
going on with our lives,but mostly, about my life. Well,
Rommel (my boyfriend) was able to call and text me that
night, so that's a yahoo night. I told Leah about my
worries, like me being paranoid because I thik that I am
pregnant. Well, i don't feel like I am, but I just think
that I am pregnant. Also, Leah and I talked about how
guys can do it, I mean we think that they are first
cousins with Harry Houdini, they are so damn good with
disappearing acts.Before going home,there was a shootout
at the nearby bar, well, it's just because of a conflict
about the parking lot. Because of that, I got home at
around 12midnight. It was cool, I actually missed my
bestfriend, it's been so long since we last saw each
other. It's nice to know that even if our houses are far
from each other and that we haven't seen each other for
such a long time, we are still the same person. The same
bestfriends.

just so sucky!

Yeah, it is Christmas and this is my worst Christmas ever. Kinda my fault and my own stupidity. I was on the LRT (the one in QC) going home from a date. I put my 3 grand on the inside pocket of my bag coz I am super sure that outlaws are everywhere right now. When I went off, lo and behold, my 3 grand vanished into the thin air. All was left to me is 500 bucks which is on my wallet. I am so furious! That would be my Christmas shopping money! Now, I don't have a single gift to give, to think that this is the first Christmas that I do have a job! It really reaks! One bad thing, I was declined by Citibank with my credit card application, isn't this just so wonderful? At least my Z600 is still with me, my Christmas gift to myself, the product of 10 months labor at that hell also known as PS. I just hope that I would be accepted at Etel as an HR associate so that I could get my butt off at this hellmouth. I just feel ultimately sad.... One good thing? I have my piece of heaven.... =)

kinda kewl....

My brother forwarded this message to me, it's kinda cool and deep:

the spoils of precious time, i smoke away
but not the moments to think of you,
a lullabye is not enough, to sooth internal swells,
the valleys in my head i dared not to thread,
so much for you, i'm changing my points of view,
thanks to you, you're hand replaced a piece,
thanks to you, i'll be laying still,
smoking the fears away.

Happy.....

I've been through hell and back. And now, I think I deserve to be in heaven or just have a piece of it. Last Saturday and Sunday, filed a leave for a major date, a two-day date. Well, one night and two days... he he he... Had absolutely so much fun. A total break from work and school. And of course, woderful quality time spent with my boyfriend. He's such a sweetie. I met him in a most unexpected way, had tons of doubts bout him and bout my feelings, tried to protect myself from being hurt for the nth time, but geez! I am so glad that I took the risk. He's everything I want: older than I am (he's 26, I'm 22), an civil engineer, a real nice guy, very funny and affectionate, very independent (unlike my past relationship, which is the reason of the break-up by the way), a cutie, almost everything that I could ask for. DISCLAIMER: This is a long distance relationship, which is kinda hard. He is based at Pampanga where he works for DPWH. God, our phone bills are so high! We even bought a Sun sim to minimize the phone bills. But it is still hard, you know, when you love someone so much and you're apart from each other... but the good thing is, come 2005, he'll move back to Manila so we can be together whenever we want to see each other. He even wants me to move to another house where I am the only one who is living right there so we can spend time together and he could clean the house and cook for me... sweet 'no? He is never insecure, unlike other guys. Like, for instance, other guys would be insecure if the girl has a better job or more intelligent, but with him, no way! He wants me to finish my law degree and become a lawyer. And it is kinda refreshing because unlike my previous relationship where we talk about laws and cases, my boyfriend and I now talk about buildings and roads and other stuff which is great! I just hope that this relationship would turn out well...

dysfunctional people

This workplace sucks. After being transferred to another team, I really lost interest in going to work. This team has a lot of dysfunctional crazy people. I mean, there are a lot of nice people right here, but then again, there are more annoying people. It's final... I would render my resignaton next year.

studies.......

My head throbs... Lack of sleep of course. A lot of people are saying that I am completely killing myself. Studying full time and working full time. Four hours of sleep a day. I'm kinda pretty amazed coz I can still go out with friends to watch movies or eat out. I actually have a lovelife! But that's another topic... It's just that I don't wanna be just an employee. I mean heck, I do respect those who are employed right now, but I've also seen and know lots of people who are employees, got kicked out of the company and now, they're old, no more job opportunities. A professor once said that if you were able to graduate from the hellmouth and you are still not in a stable relationship, chances are, you will not get married. Guys will be intimidated, they will be inferior and you will die rich, popular, intelligent and alone.... sad.... sad.... sad....But I hope that all the efforts that I am exerting right now will pay off in the future.

Letting GO....

Have I let go already? I don't know. If you meet somebody and you let that somebody come into your life and you are happy, and everything feels great and perfect but you know that you are still not okay with your prior relationship, is that considered as letting go? This might be a rebound relationship, but rebound relationships does not have any feelings involved. But what if you are slowly but surely falling? You tried not to, but wham! It just happened, no matter how much you tried not to, no matter what you did to prevent it from happening. I think I already have let go. I am not so sure, but I think I am. Should I let go of him right now? It is just nearly 3 months since we broke up! I am such a bitch because I think I was already able to let go of him! Or was I really able to let go of him already? I am not exactly sure if I am just using this new guy to lighten up my feelings, to just divert my attention. I have stopped crying over my past relationship, I don't miss him that much anymore, I don't wallow anymore. I am happy right now. I don't know if it is correct, if I am being fair to my past guy. But one thing is for sure... I am happy and I think I deserve it. And I will enjoy it while it is here.